If you're wondering how can you have a bright future, I'm going to let you in on a secret.
Write the word "Future" on a piece of paper and shine it under the light. It will be very bright.
Ok, I am bored ~
Showing posts with label Just for laughs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Just for laughs. Show all posts
Jokes: The fight started between husband and wife
The wife was hinting about what she wanted for their upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
The husband bought her a weighing scale..
And then the fight started...
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
The husband bought her a weighing scale..
And then the fight started...
Jokes: A Smart Driver
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following conversation:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?!!!??
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?!!!??
Jokes: Runaway Soldier
A soldier came to a fork in the road and saw a lady standing there. Out of
breath he asked, "Please !!!!, may I hide under your skirt for a few minutes. I'll explain WHY later."
The lady agreed.
A moment later two Military Police came running along and asked, "Miss, have you seen a soldier running by here?"
The lady replied, "He went that way."
After the MP's disappeared, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough, but you see -- I don't want to go to ATEC ."
The lady said, "I think I can fully understand your fear."
The soldier added suggestively, "I hope you don't think that I am rude or impertinent, but you have a great pair of legs!"
The lady replied with a shy and sexy grin
, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls too ... I don't want to go to ATEC either."
breath he asked, "Please !!!!, may I hide under your skirt for a few minutes. I'll explain WHY later."
The lady agreed.
A moment later two Military Police came running along and asked, "Miss, have you seen a soldier running by here?"
The lady replied, "He went that way."
After the MP's disappeared, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough, but you see -- I don't want to go to ATEC ."
The lady said, "I think I can fully understand your fear."
The soldier added suggestively, "I hope you don't think that I am rude or impertinent, but you have a great pair of legs!"
The lady replied with a shy and sexy grin
, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls too ... I don't want to go to ATEC either."
Jokes: Ah Lian's Job Interview
Ah Lian went for a job interview for a sales job. When the manager saw Ah Lian's attire, his mind screamed, "Not this lian!!"
Nevertheless he still had to entertain Ah Lian. So he told Ah Lian, "If you can form a sentence using the words I give you, then I will give you a chance!"
"The words are "Green, Pink, Yellow, Blue, White, Purple, Black".
Ah Lian thought for a while and said
"I heard the phone go green, green, and then I went to pink up the phone and said Yellow. Blue's that? White did you say? Aiyah, wrong number. Don't purplely disturb people and don't call Black, ok?"
Ah Lian got the job.
Nevertheless he still had to entertain Ah Lian. So he told Ah Lian, "If you can form a sentence using the words I give you, then I will give you a chance!"
"The words are "Green, Pink, Yellow, Blue, White, Purple, Black".
Ah Lian thought for a while and said
"I heard the phone go green, green, and then I went to pink up the phone and said Yellow. Blue's that? White did you say? Aiyah, wrong number. Don't purplely disturb people and don't call Black, ok?"
Ah Lian got the job.
Jokes: A Prostitute
Judge to prostitute: "So when did you realize you were raped?"
Prostitute, wiping away tears: "When the cheque bounced."
Prostitute, wiping away tears: "When the cheque bounced."
Jokes: That's what I call guts
Ministers from USA, UK and Singapore were travelling on a battleship that was cruising near S.Arabia. The 3 were talking about how brave their soldiers were when their cordial discussion soon turned into an argument where each wanted to prove the bravery of their own soldiers.
The President of USA said, "Let me show you what is guts", where upon he called his Colonel and said "Jump into the sea and swim 3 rounds around this ship!".
The Colonel replied "Anything for the President, Sir", and jumped into the shark infested sea and swam 3 rounds around the ship, with the sharks chasing him like mad!
After the successful 3 rounds, the Colonel came up to the deck and said, "I did it for Mr President!". The proud US President replied "That's what I call guts!".
The Prime Minister of UK became aggressive and quickly called his General and said "General, jump into the sea and swim 10 rounds around this ship!".
The General replied "Anything for the Queen, Sir", and jumped into the shark infested sea and swam 10 rounds around the ship, with the sharks chasing him frantically.
After the successful 10 rounds, the 3-star General came up to the deck and said, "Long Live the Queen!". The proud UK PM replied "That's what I call guts!"
The Prime Minister of Singapore cannot control himself. He had to show that his soldiers have it too. He called one of his Private and said "Soldier, jump into the sea and swim 15 rounds around this ship!"
The Private replied "Oi, chiu siao issit?" moi juz trying tuu serve moi 2 years NS. Now, chiu huan moi tuu jump and die? Eh, if chiu huan tuu hao lian, chiu jump into the sea yourself rah!
The Singapore PM smiled and said "Now,that's what I call guts!".
The President of USA said, "Let me show you what is guts", where upon he called his Colonel and said "Jump into the sea and swim 3 rounds around this ship!".
The Colonel replied "Anything for the President, Sir", and jumped into the shark infested sea and swam 3 rounds around the ship, with the sharks chasing him like mad!
After the successful 3 rounds, the Colonel came up to the deck and said, "I did it for Mr President!". The proud US President replied "That's what I call guts!".
The Prime Minister of UK became aggressive and quickly called his General and said "General, jump into the sea and swim 10 rounds around this ship!".
The General replied "Anything for the Queen, Sir", and jumped into the shark infested sea and swam 10 rounds around the ship, with the sharks chasing him frantically.
After the successful 10 rounds, the 3-star General came up to the deck and said, "Long Live the Queen!". The proud UK PM replied "That's what I call guts!"
The Prime Minister of Singapore cannot control himself. He had to show that his soldiers have it too. He called one of his Private and said "Soldier, jump into the sea and swim 15 rounds around this ship!"
The Private replied "Oi, chiu siao issit?" moi juz trying tuu serve moi 2 years NS. Now, chiu huan moi tuu jump and die? Eh, if chiu huan tuu hao lian, chiu jump into the sea yourself rah!
The Singapore PM smiled and said "Now,that's what I call guts!".
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